It’s going to happen. You’re going to screw up somehow. You’re going to be well-intentioned but distracted or think you’re making the right choice and realize later that you were way off base. Whether it’s an expensive marketing blunder or double booking clients, you may have a momentary, strong desire to retreat back to an agency. Your inner critic may say something like, “See, I told you you’re not up to this!” Slow your roll. Let’s talk about it.
Simplify your organizational systems. I had 3 different calendars at once that were supposed to be syncing with each other but weren’t. Plus my other systems. It was a nightmare and I’m pretty organized. Find an all-in-one system if you can. My favorite is the practice management system, Simple Practice.
Figure out what went wrong. It’s easy to bury your head in the sand when you’re feeling shame, but it’s not going to prevent it from happening again. If it was a systems issue, shore up your systems. Have a clear, consistent process that you and your clients go through. If you invested money in an ineffective marketing strategy, examine why it didn’t work for you; were you listening to the advice of a trusted mentor (preferably one within the field since ours has special rules and laws)? Were you trusting your gut? Were your efforts well researched? This examination isn’t meant to shame you further; it’s meant to help you and your business grow.
Own up to it. You know my knee jerk reaction when I screw up? Find something to blame it on. It’s not pretty but it’s the truth. Because I know that it’s my initial response, I make sure I take a bit of time before acting so I can let that impulse pass. Then I own up without excuses. I apologize. I offer a solution. It’s the cleanest way to take responsibility.
Practice self-compassion. I recently had a big screw up (the impetus for this post). I’ve gotten to the point in my own personal work that I no longer ruminate over an awkward conversation or worry too much about what others think of me in a general way. But in this situation I let some people down and was full of shame about it. California could’ve grown as many almonds as it wanted with the tears I spilt; the drought would be over. I had a really hard time letting myself off the hook, even though the people affected were gracious and forgiving. As I dug around, I realized that the part of me so intent on raking me over the coals was trying to insure that I learned my lesson. I went through my systems, figured out what went wrong, owned up and decided to safeguard myself against it happening again so that my executioner-part could calm down. I reminded myself again and again and again that it’s okay for me to make mistakes. Mine was a mistake that affected others but didn’t hurt anyone; at most it was an inconvenience and disappointment to them. The way I was making it mean something about my personhood wasn’t accurate. It has allowed me to take the graciousness I was shown and pay it forward since we’re all surrounded by people being imperfect every day.
Remember that you’re not modeling perfection, you’re modeling humanness. You don’t have to do it all right. You’re not going to. Grant yourself the flexibility to be a full-fledged person with flaws who makes errors, cause it’s going to happen regardless.
What if it’s potentially legal? Call your liability insurance and talk to an attorney. That’s what you’re paying for. Ask the attorney for advice about next steps. Talk to people you trust to try to bust through fear and shame.
What works for you when you mess up? How have you screwed up and made it right? Let us know in the comments.
I love this topic. My screw ups recently are around Client’s issues being so close to my parallel process, and not being able to keep a mindful Presence. Two clients left my practice this month for this reason. Although i was very hard on myself at first, and sad to lose these two clients, i took the issue to SUPERVISION/therapy, and offered Sincere wishes to both clients they would get their needs met in a therapist further along the path with the issue. Private practice continues to offer lessons in humility.
Good for you, Heidi and thank you so much for your vulnerability. Yes, we’ll keep learning these lessons in humility over & over. Grateful that we can do it with open hearts!
Allison,
As a person who struggles a bit with time management and scheduling, I appreaciate this post so much. The shame is pretty strong when I screw up! I agree that owning it is so important. I have found that when I avoid excuses and just own my mistake, my clients tend to respect that, so that we are able to repair and move on. Now, this is related mostly to scheduling for me, but I think the principle of self compassion and taking responsibility is so important regardless of the screw up. We will never be perfect, but we can be leaders in the dialectic of self acceptance and accountability.
Yes, we’re all in good company!
So timely! I just double-booked my calendar. In trying to meet everyone’s needs, I felt like a juggler when their partner starts throwing in additional chain saws! My brain went through all sorts of machinations trying to make it all work. I just wanted it all to magically go away and fix itself. My lesson is to slow down. I remember what was going on when It happened, and I was distracted. Another lesson for me is I don’t have to meet all their needs! My needs matter, too.
Yes! Such good lessons wrapped up in one little screw up! Good for you, Sherry!
hello fellow abundant builders;
once again this is a very timely, and extremely helpful post to read. I am only starting, but am feeling the growth and expansion happening, this is both exciting and somewhat anxiety provoking. I am currently trying to visualize what a full practice “feels like” and go with that feeling, if I get a cancel. I have been blessed so far with wonderful clients.
thanks again to everyone for the community.
So glad it was helpful, Mary Ellen! As luck would have it I completely stuck my foot in my mouth with colleagues yesterday & had to opportunity to be human, take responsibility, and let myself off the hook. As much as I was hoping that blunder a few months ago would be the last ever, I found it very timely for me that the blog post this week was exactly what I needed to say to myself all over again. Ah, life. Always an adventure.
I love this post. I think that it takes a lot to show vulnerabilities and mistakes. it is also an asset to have insight into our strengths and challenges. We are always growing and learning. in addition, I think it is great to model to clients that we are human too, and certainly not perfect. reaching out for assistance be it a supervisor, peer, or lawyer is smart to do, rather than hiding or being ashamed. In all, I think we have good intentions and are ethical people. I would like to think that none of us as therapists are out to harm. However, honest mistakes do and can happen. I struggle with beating myself up too but, I am getting better at being kinder and more compassionate towards myself. it is interesting how we would not punish a client for mistakes yet, we do it to ourselves. best to you.
Absolutely, Michelle! It gives us a chance to model not only human-ness, but self-compassion as well. Y’know, when we get around to scrounging some up! 😉
Earlier in my career I felt a fear to appear more experienced and KNOWLEDGEABLE than I really was. One day I began making a statement regarding a possible medication option a client asked me about (something I’m not trained to do), and Halfway through my answer, I realized it was garbage. Instead of faking my way through it to “act like the expert” I actually just stopped my answer and had a very human moment with the client, and asked them to forgive me for what I had done. I knew I had blown it, and so did they, but being honest with them right away about it and confessing my mistake actually allowed for a greater THERAPEUTIC encounter than me being a pretend “Expert” ever would have.
I loooove that, Tim. Yes!