Remember when you were in school and there was this sense that you could never fully relax until you’d either completed all assignments or it was winter or summer break? Yeah, welcome to entrepreneurship.
If you’re like me, your “to do” list is like a mogwai sprayed with water. These seemingly innocent tasks have become multiplying gremlins that interrupt your life. Mid-chew at dinner with the family and BOOM “OMG, I didn’t return that email!.” In that really sweet spot on the cusp of sleep and WHAPOW “OMG, I didn’t send that invoice!”
It is easy, way way way easy to just whip out your phone at the table and handle these things. It takes less than 5 minutes. It’ll calm your anxiety. It’ll help you be more present afterwards and you won’t risk forgetting to do it.
BUT, and this is a big but (haha), giving up those 5 minutes at the table or in your bed means more than just 5 minutes of work. It’s a priority violation. It’s a boundary injury. I’m guessing your desire to be in private practice isn’t just a desire for more money. It’s also freedom and time and space to let your life be more of what you want. For many of us that means presence with family, not just physically by mentally and emotionally. Or time for self care, which many of us missed out on while in agency jobs. If you created this business for either of these things, I want to caution you about quickly managing work stuff during off time.
It’s innocuous enough but I assure you, more and more 5 minute snippets will cut into off time. There will likely always be incomplete tasks. The list will rarely be cleared. Part of the personal growth I’ve been working on is accepting that I won’t be able to tie things up with a bow at the end of the day or give myself a gold star for completion at the end of my work week. Does that trigger my perfectionism? Oh yeah. Does is make me anxious? Uh huh. And y’know what? I’ve gotten pretty darn good at sitting with discomfort with all the practice I’ve been getting.
For too long I kept waiting to take care of all the things in order to earn relaxation. In order to earn self-care. Once the to do list was cleared I could watch tv without guilt. Once I achieved Specific Thing #345 I could book a massage. Oh look, work’s calling. I guess I can’t exercise as planned (such a seemingly valid excuse). It’s the adult version of “you can’t play outside until all your homework is done.”
As a result my brain got a bit duller. My vitality suffered. My half-attended family let their displeasure be known.
So here’s a challenge for you: Take your work email off your phone. Take your work-related Apps off, too. Leave your phone in another room when you get home. Leave your computer at work or in your bag. Let home be home. When you’re at work, set up break times to play on the internet or chat with your officemates but let work be work while you’re there. Stay focused at work so home can be home.
Burnout ain’t pretty. If you’re in this for the long game, and I assume most of you are, you have to get practiced at maintaining these boundaries. This profession is beautiful. It is an honor to do what we do. And we can’t pretend that being on the clock 24/7 is sustainable.
How are you maintaining this boundary for yourself? Let us know in the comments.
Allison Puryear is an LCSW with a nearly diagnosable obsession with business development. She has started practices in three different states and wants you to know that building a private practice is shockingly doable when you have a plan and support. After retiring her individual consultation services, she opened the Abundance Party, where you can get practice-building help for the cost of a copay. You can download a free private practice checklist to make sure you have your ducks in a row, get weekly private practice tips, listen to the podcast, hop into the free Facebook Group. Allison is all about helping you gain the confidence and tools you need to succeed.
Allison,
I so agree with this post.Staying “On” all the time, even if not for clients, is a sure way to take the pleasure out of life. And make your loved ones unhappy with you. The challenge is to try to practice the balance we encourage our clients to embrace. And a challenge it is.
carolyn, you are so right that it is important for us to practice what we preach when it comes to balance.
By the way, i looked at your website, and i adore your logo! at first i loved it because of the nature elements, and then i realized the moon and mountains (and water?) are your initials as well as your company name! i love the creativity!
Thank you so much for this post. I have always felt the burden of my ” to do” list and can never fully relax until it is completed. it’s good to know there are others like me. I’m a work in progress. Fortunately, I’m fairly good at setting work boundaries but am keenly aware of the slippery slope that just one phone call or email can create. Thank you!
As usual, it’s as if you’re speaking right to me! I have been hoping that my mile-long list of things to do and my inability to relax lately will eventually go away when my private practice is more solid. Since i’m still in the building phase, I feel like there’s always something that needs to be tended to (e.g. networking, marketing, blogging, social media, etc etc etc!). My hope is that once I have more stability, I can ease up in these areas (and yes, i am aware that i will likely never be abe to completely be free of having to do those things to bring clients in the door). even so, this is a good reminder to practice self-care while in this building phase.
Yes! Thank you Allison 🙂 As Krista V said “it’s as if you’re speaking right to me!”
I did burn out and took the first 6 months of 2016 off work recuperating. Thankfully my clients were still waiting for me when i returned to my private practice.As a practice owner, wife and mother there is always something I can be doing for someone. in the past I tried working “smarter” and being more efficient with my time but no matter what I did it didn’t result in me having time to just be. I ended up exhausted, resentful, anxious and compassion fatigued.I didn’t RECOGNIZE myself.there had to be another way to do things. scheduling time for myself and being firm with my boundaries has been key for me.