If there’s one thing I know about practice-building, it’s that it has really hard moments. Usually it’s not the clinical aspects of the job or even the business side of things. Typically it’s our “stuff” that hops up in our faces as we trudge forward. It’s the worry when the phone doesn’t ring (help here). It’s the money stuff we’ve carried for years that makes us stick our heads in the sand and hope the financial side of our business is okay instead of knowing exactly what to expect month to month. It’s the comparison and the falling short, since we tend to compare ourselves to those that have what we want.
As I mentioned in this post, getting clear on your why can be a shot in the arm to bring you back to why you’re doing this in the first place. Simon Sinek’s TED Talk introduced me to this and it’s so worth your time to watch.
Right now, I’d love for you to open a blank document or grab a sheet of paper and write down why you’re a therapist or why you want to be a therapist. Be raw, be real. Don’t write it like a paper someone is going to read. Bullet point it, forget punctuation, make a ton of run on sentences, do what feels true right now. Seriously, just take 3 minutes to jot it down.
This is a great way to reconnect to the gratitude that you get to do what you believe in. It’s the way I ground myself when I’m feeling beleaguered or overwhelmed or get into my version of “it’s too hard/I’m not good enough/there’s too much to do.”
This is personal stuff and likely reaches something tender in you. If you write something like “people are interesting and I like to understand them,” I want you to dig a little deeper.
Why am I a therapist?
I’m a therapist because I used to hate myself, my body, and my life. I was deep in an eating disorder with awful anxiety and crippling depression and I just thought that was what life was going to be about, until I got help. Once I realized what was available in life, I wanted everyone suffering to have a chance at it. We aren’t stuck and we can change and life can be this beautiful, wonderful thing, even when it’s hard.
(unedited, totally real, pretty vulnerable to share but if I can put it out here, you can write your own non-published-in-the-world version of your why)
Why do I help others build their practice?
I’ve seen people leave the profession who were amazing at what they did; people with real gifts and incredible skills because they were just so burned out and private practice seemed like this impossible thing so they never tried. I want people to know how doable private practice is. I want them to realize it’s well within their skill set and they just need to learn some things they’re totally capable of and take the risk.
I do this because in private practice, clinicians can be more effective, happier, have more of that beautiful life I want for people. They can actually model what we all want for our clients. In my opinion, private practice is the holy grail of clinical work.
(unedited, totally real)
You can keep this document you’ve written or not. I find it more effective to reconnect to my “Why” and rewrite that moment’s version of it rather than revisiting older versions. If I’d written this blog post a week ago it would have had the same gist but with different nuances.
I’d love to hear some of your “Why” in the comments if it doesn’t feel too vulnerable.
Allison Puryear is an LCSW with a nearly diagnosable obsession with business development. She has started practices in three different states and wants you to know that building a private practice is shockingly doable when you have a plan and support. After retiring her individual consultation services, she opened the Abundance Party, where you can get practice-building help for the cost of a copay. You can download a free private practice checklist to make sure you have your ducks in a row, get weekly private practice tips, listen to the podcast, hop into the free Facebook Group. Allison is all about helping you gain the confidence and tools you need to succeed.
I am a therapist because I knew from a very early age that I was supposed to do something “big for God.” Helping people through their pain and loneliness is that big thing. I am a therapist because I love to learn and you have to keep learning to do this job. I am a therapist because we suffered a lot through our family’s ED days. I want to share what I have learned to help families move through EDs so much more effectively. I am a therapist in private practice because it allows me to be me and not have to answer to anyone else. I am a therapist because this is what I must do.
It’s such a beautiful way to give back, isn’t it? And on our own terms, too! Thanks, Carolyn!
I am a therapist because healing me verifies and validates my ability to heal others. I no longer want to standby as religion, racism and poverty decimate the human spirit. Therapy allows for a safe space to resolve these issues when suffering from poor self-identity, poor body image, poor health and depression caused by a dysfunctional mindset in a corrupted lifestyle. I would love to receive help in perfectIng this reality. Thank you
Yes, VaJezatha, I agree. Having a space to process the deep wounds of discrimination is so important for healing. And I agree, it makes us stronger as the healers!
I am a vessel through which others can reflect themselves. i’ve been through my own battles and it’s time i take what i have learned and pay it forward so others can learn about their own strengths through me. i am a therapist, a mirror through which others can learn how to heal themselves. i do this because of my own success in healing my wounds through therapy. i chose my niche because of my own experiences. i have passion and i want that passion to radiate from within me. (and now i am copying this to a word document to save for a bit because that was completely free flow, unedited). thanks for the opportunity to think about this! it feels good to reconnect to our purpose!
Yes! Thanks for sharing, Amanda! It feels good to explore, doesn’t it?
This was a needed post! Thank yOu For Sharing!!
So happy to, Bobby! I’m glad it struck a cord!
Why I do what I do? What a great question. Seems like this is in the subtle background during times I am struggling. Like it’s the voice that sits in the background of the class with it’s hand up, like “Yeah, me…me…I think I know what’s going on.”
I have always found myself struggling to fit in and when I didn’t struggle it was because I was forcing myself to make myself fit in. But knowing all along that something wasn’t quite “right”. Realizing at a later age after having life kick my ass around from time to time…that no one has the answers. We’re all just making shit up as we go. We’re flawed, messed up, and ultimately human. I want to act as that bridge or vessel in helping people and couples understand that they are enough. Not because I have the answers they need but that I might be able to shed enough light on their awareness that they are capable in and of themselves to get everything they need. They don’t have to change, they just need to show up. Finding the truth that is their own being to show up in their relationships, not become different people, not to live through obligations, or shame, or family secrets, or mistakes. Helping people be able to say “fuck it” in the way that says “just go for it”. Not “fuck it, I give up.” That there doesn’t have to be answers and certainty but that they, themselves, are the embodiment of creation itself. We are perfectly imperfect…and that alone is enough reason to live life authentically and true.
John, I LOVE this! Yes, “Helping people be able to say “fuck it” in the way that says “just go for it”. Not “fuck it, I give up.” That’s the new way I want to explain therapy to therapy newbies! It’s so dead on!
i am a therapist because therapy saved my life. I grew up never feeling like i mattered. in my early twenties when i really started to individuate, i began having massive debilitating panic attacks (first one, while driving on the freeway in chicago, scary!) i was so lucky to find a therapist to help me see that i wasn’t ‘going crazy’ as i had thought. Initially i was skeptical about therapy, but so so desperate. but he helped me unpack and identify my depression. i’d had a lifetime of muteness And I needed to be heard and my body was letting me know it was time. (bodies are amazing!) it was scary, and really hard. and I made it to the other side with new skills and renewed hope. After having gone through and experienced the power of that I wanted to walk with others in their pain, carrying the knowledge that ‘things can get better’ even when it doesn’t seem possible. Thanks for the opportunity to think and write about this!
Kristin, I love that we have similar stories, slogging through such hard stuff and feeling a sense of awakening that made us want to help others get there! Thanks for sharing this!
Allison, you’re in my head! The last post I read of yours said something about “being clear on your ‘why’” and I immediately thought of Simon Sinek’s TED talk (someone recommended it to me a while back and I watched it) and about how as therapists – as opposed to a ton of other types of entrepreneurs – we are SO lucky, because most of the time, we are already have a really awesome “why,” thus according to Simon, totally apt for success in business. But I love your idea of clarifying that “why” and getting familiar with it to remain focused in times where we want to give up. Here’s mine:
“I am a therapist to heal. To help people feel real-ness. Whether it be real pain, real joy, real sorrow, real sh***y, real awesome, real boring. Whatever it is. To be free of distraction. Free of the bull***t of life. In a real moment. In the now. In the thick of it. With me. Someone who will love them, accept them, cherish them. Not for their accomplishments, not for how much money they make, their status, how “hot” they are, but just for being them. Their messy, flawed and really screwed up selves. But really LOVEABLE screwed up selves.”
Apparently my inner Simon Sinek swears like a sailor! Sorry this is not very family-friendly. 😉
-Natalie
I doubt many kids are reading this blog, Natalie, no need to apologize! 🙂 I totally agree. Therapy gave me my first real dose of letting my perfectionism guard down and letting someone see the messiness inside and being accepted not despite the mess, but including and maybe because of the mess! Thanks for being another person who holds that kind of space for others.
🙂 🙂 🙂
I am a therapist because I crave connection with the human soul—the truest part of ourselves that dreams, hopes, and hurts. I am amazed by the resiliency of the human spirit even though people (myself included) don’t see it in ourselves—we need mirrors. We carry around massive weights. I love being the gift of giving someone the permission—the invitation—to put down their tired forced smiles and fall apart, to be a mess and still be regarded as beautiful, precious, valuable. I am a therapist because I get to witness miracles—the miracles that I need to remember in my own life. I get to see people experience freedom, empowerment, and transformation—coming into their own skin and their own strength. I get to help them make meaning from the chaos. I get to be the cheerleader they deserved when they were a vulnerable child and help them become their own nurturing parent, which I had to learn. I get to help them demolish the prison of perfectionism and introduce laughter and experience together the grace of not taking ourselves so seriously. I get to help them build from the inside out a recognition of their worth and the skills on how to have relationships and boundaries that reflect their value. I get to see the light return to someone’s eyes and remember when it returned to mine. I get to catch tears, share smiles, and give hugs. I get to be the best version of me and activate the parts of me that feel most alive. I have been the Phoenix burnt to the ground and rising from the ashes and I love being a midwife to that miracle of rebirth. I want to live in these thin and sacred spaces.
Gorgeously stated, Tamara! Thank you so much for sharing!!