So, I hate New Year’s Resolutions. They feel forced. If you want to change something, you should start now instead of waiting for some magical date. (Ok, do you hear that? That’s the hustler in me. I’m fighting her like crazy.)
Let’s restart…
One of the things I recognized about myself in 2015 is that I have a hustling problem. Too much of my identity is rooted in achievement. It always has been. All the podcasts and books and business instagram accounts and everything talk about “living like no one will so you can live like no one can.” Fuck that (pardon my french). They make you believe that the only way to succeed is to bleed yourself dry. To forsake your well being, friends and family and “rise and grind.” Don’t believe it. Don’t buy in.
Logically I’ve KNOWN this for all of 2015, but it wasn’t until the latter part of the year that I realized I needed to step away from the laptop, turn off my phone, get really present. Look into my husband’s eyes while he’s talking. Stop thinking about work tasks while singing and dancing with my daughter. I get caught up in THERE’S SO MUCH TO DO, which isn’t even true. Nobody dies if I don’t post a blog one week. If I’m sick & have to reschedule some folks, my family won’t starve.
So I’ve dubbed 2016 the Year of Not Hustling. Hopefully with an aim to create many many more of these years. And hopefully it won’t be so damn hard to follow through with after a year of practice.
In honor of not hustling, all our January Abundance posts are a reminder to take good care of yourself. You may have a resolution/intention/goal to exercise more or to build your dream practice or to meet an amazing partner and that’s awesome. Just please, please, please remember that staying up until 3 AM isn’t necessary for any of that and, with the exception of maybe spending some quality time with said amazing parter, maybe even detrimental. Pushing yourself when your body or mind are clearly telling you to sit and be is going to slow your progress with everything. Trust your body, trust your mind, trust yourself.
There’s honor to slow and steady. While it’s not my usual route, I’m clear that forcing things and pushing myself all the time isn’t congruent with living the life I want to live nor is it consistent with my hopes for you.
Repeat after me: There’s room for self-care as you build your practice. Self-care is NECESSARY in order to build your practice. If you are run ragged and working too much, your caseload will decrease instead of increase and colleagues will be less inclined to refer to you.
Whatever your 2016 goals/intentions/resolutions, please be good to yourself. Please be gentle and kind. Take the time to connect to the people in your lives, not just clients. Have some long kisses and some playtime and some quiet reflection. Y’know, be present.
Grow your practice like your clients are watching.
How can you bring more self-care into your life this year? Let us know in the comments.
Allison Puryear is an LCSW with a nearly diagnosable obsession with business development. She has started practices in three different states and wants you to know that building a private practice is shockingly doable when you have a plan and support. After retiring her individual consultation services, she opened the Abundance Party, where you can get practice-building help for the cost of a copay. You can download a free private practice checklist to make sure you have your ducks in a row, get weekly private practice tips, listen to the podcast, hop into the free Facebook Group. Allison is all about helping you gain the confidence and tools you need to succeed.
Allison, this so resonates for me! I have done my best to blog weekly and release a podcast weeklY over the past year but at some point i began to feel i was running myself ragged. This is Incongruent to what i know is best for me. Some weeks i havent released anything and the sky didn’t fall. No one seemed outraged.
No torches and pitch forks, eh Laura? Isn’t it crazy that we put so much pressure on ourselves? As one of my practice builders very wisely said “We’re building a dream, not managing another nightmare”
Great quote!
I really enjoyed reading this. I will use your tips in the upcoming year. Thanks!!!
I’ll keep ’em coming, Felicia!
I have recently started private practice after the universe rather forced me to do it! I know I am truly blessed in this and was given the push I needed (and have needed for many years). I was in a very abusive business partnership for 13 years and stayed as I knew I would be purchasing the business upon her retirement. to make a longggggg story short, upon completing the purchase my partner terminated me and placed a no trespass order on me in a business and building that I own percentages in (she does not want to lose her access to the finances). needless to say now a lot of money is going out on atty fees in attempts to resolve this! for the past 13 years I had put every ounce of myself into the business and clients. I failed to take care of myself working some days 20 hours a day. I felt force to return to work after my first hip surgery (1 week after), after my full hip replacement (2 weeks after), after my hernia surgery (1 week after), after my hysterectomy (1 week after) as my business partner indicated she was unable to work! Talk about a job making someone sick! 2013 was a doozy! Dec 14 I had cervical spine surgery and have allowed myself to take the needed time for recovery although it has been quite a task! I am a doer and staying still is one of the hardest things for me to do, especially with starting a new business. I too have been working extremely hard to give the people in my life the time so needed, myself being the first! Slowing down is extremely hard for some people and I can totally relate to your email! if we do not take care of ourselves know one else will and it becomes detrimental in every area of our lives. great email, we always need these reminders!
Terri, holy cow! I want to take a nap after reading about everything you’ve been through! Good for you for setting the boundary and letting yourself heal. From one doer to another, I know how hard it is! I think you’ll find private practice allows so much more space and time for self-care. Your challenge (and mine) is to really take that time. Happy New Year! Sounds like 2016 is going to be waaaaay better for you than 2015.
This is so meaningful and speaks right to where I am at. After all the outward energy expended in 2015 – lol, really all my adult life! I am desiring and needing to go inward. It feels right and very natural right now. Thanks for writing this, allison.
Absolutely! I’m so glad it was helpful, Lourdes!
Thanks so much for this post!! you are so right about this. I have been grinding the midnight oil for over two months and have accomplished nothing more than if i would go to bed and have a fresh start. So, i started the new year with some self-care getting a much needed manicure and pedicure. next in line, getting my hair colored that has been put off. love it!!
I love it Lashanna! No more all nighters; we aren’t in college anymore! Good for you for taking care of yourself! Wish I was beside you getting my toes pretty, too (good thing I’m too pregnant to see them).
You know I totally resonate with this! For me, 2016 is all about narrowing in on ONE goal at a time – focusing on what the next most important step for me is and sticking to that one thing. I find that with all the infinite choices we have in marketing these days it can be so easy to become immersed in to-do’s and choices for how to spend our time. I’ve decided for 2016 it’s vital for me to stop spreading myself too thin (and also not going in the opposite direction and forcing myself to slam the breaks, because that doesn’t work for me either!) but instead to focus on the ONE thing that will propel me forward today – and once I’ve dedicated some energy to that, I can balance it out with relaxation, family time and self-care. That way I’m still making headway in my business while not burning out. I love that you’re adding some balance in to your company’s messaging. It’s tough when we never hear “all the guys who are doing it right” talk about balance or restoration. Thank you, as always.
-Nat
awakentheself.com
You’re guest post was a great example of not trying to do EVERYTHING. You’re modeling this well for me, and everyone else!
Thank you!!!