In last week’s blog I talked about how my business had started eating my life. In the last few weeks I’ve felt more like myself than I have in years. In case you need to re-find your non-work self, I’m sharing what’s helped me:
A List of All Great Things:
- I’m almost to the point where I can leave at 4PM everyday instead of 5. I’ve tried all these hacks for meals (Blue Apron, Terra’s Kitchen, already made meal delivery) and it took me until a couple weeks ago before I was like “wait- why create a hack if you like cooking, Allison. Why not leave an hour early and make dinner with music playing? You’re the boss!”
- I’m taking Fridays off. For real. I “took Fridays off” where I got sucked into this or that, sometimes for 8 hours. Oops.
- I leave my computer at work (please don’t rob my office ;)). I don’t have a computer at home. If I don’t get to whatever I meant to do by the time I leave at 4 on Thursday, it’ll have to wait until Monday.
- I don’t have any work apps on my phone. No email. No Facebook. Well, I do have Instagram, but that’s because it won’t let you post from your computer.
- When I’m with my family or friends, my phone is usually in another room.
- I realized I was trying to calm the anxiety of all the to-do’s by completing those tasks. Since there’s a never ending rotation of stuff to do (which I’m pretty sure I wrote a blog post on but can’t find because there are one million of them) I then was cramming too much in while also feeling perpetually behind. Another feedback loop, this one less fulfilling and anxiety-packed.
- I’m clear that my life is better with fewer screens in it. Instead of the habit I was in with my maxed out brain at the end of the day (the riveting grab-a-beer-watch-a-show-with-your-partner-then-sleep), we’re now tackling neglected home projects after the girls go to bed. So last night I helped Joel demo some cabinetry in our cluttered laundry room then moved to a hall closet and whipped it into shape. I’m actually excited to be working on these things that have been irritating me and making me feel like I don’t like where I live. I love home stuff. The organization and renovation fairies don’t just show up in the middle of the night apparently so it’s time to realize I have some responsibility here.
- I’m also replacing my fake hobby of working with real hobbies: I picked my guitar back up. I’m reading fiction. I’m about to start learning the piano and if my husband can stand it, maybe the banjo. I’ve played with the (mortifying) idea of writing some stand-up. We’re talking about learning Spanish as a family. (What does an overachiever do when she decides she needs hobbies? ALL the hobbies apparently.)
- I’m taking breaks. In fact, when this is published I’ll be at the beach with 3 of my close girlfriends. My computer is not invited. It’s my first girls trip in over a decade and it’s gonna be awesome.
- I’m not expecting this to be comfortable. I’ve been very anxious Monday mornings, wondering what awaits me. It takes a long time to get through what sometimes amounts to 300 FB notifications. But I’m denying the compulsion to check it on the weekend. It’s getting easier. I’m trusting that nothing catastrophic is likely to happen and that anything I get behind on isn’t life or death for people.
Have you figured out ways to balance work and life? I’d love more suggestions… pop ‘em in the comments!
I think setting boundaries and not letting work leak into everything is super hard to do, and I am so impressed by your hard work to create more space for yourself! I totally get the anxiety bargaining – will i be less anxious checking everything now, or less anxious checking it later?
I think i need to prInt this and post it and give a cooy to my husband…ive been wreckOning with How to take my life Back, and yOur post is both afdirming and insPiring…and anxiety-provoking! Thank tou, and good foR you!
Ok so i should not have tried to posT in a hurry wIthout proofreading – case in point! ?
i’m so glad you wrote on this topic as I have begun to notice in my own life the inability to partake in conversation outside of therapy or building a practice. I can sure attend to other’s lives with interested questions but notice that after people ask me about my business and my kids they’ve got nothing to inquire about. I am left mute trying to insert my own world into the conversation. SUPER SCARY! Perfect timing! Thank you for sharing how you shaped your rehab!
I think this is one of my favorite of all of your columns ever! The world is being taking over by our phones and computers and we are letting it happen. Okay maybe that is a little over the top but sometimes it feels overwhelming Bravo for your inroads. You, your family and your people will certainly benefit.
I am Glad to read this post early on in my caReer! As a newely licensed (past test on 8/30!-# hasnt even posted yet) clinician, i am grateful to see what to Be aware of as i bUild my practice! I have always been Pretty good at Maintaining my lIfe as i look at the things i do outside work life as my self care! I have primarily worked with trauma SURVIVORS in my agency work, so the commIttment to my self-care projects has alWays been imperative for me! I use music and art as my method to keep from madness! Im gonna post this list as my manTra for taking care of me as i learn to build a practice! Thanks so much!
Nice! The way I manage my work/life balance is by scheduling in everything. I schedule clients, I schedule the gym (I am very upset if I don’t work out), I schedule my errands even sometimes. This way work has boundaries and I make sure to get in all of the things that I love that recharge me as well. ANd like you I just picked up a better hobby… I signed up for guitar class! Having a class that also has a time and isn’t therapy and keeps my brain engaged in a different way is also helpful. I really liked this blog topic! THank you.
Whoo hoo!!! You are a pioneer in the type A/over-achiever field Allison. I (almost) hope you don’t read and respond to this comment so i know you are seriously serious….I’m embarrassed to say my “work” spills over into way too much of my life these days and I’m on a mission to change that.
This post couldn’t have come at a better time! I do have a question, when do you start your days?
This post (and the previous) are very timely for me. I’m in the early stages of building a practice when everything is all about my practice. When people ask how I’m doing, it’s ‘my practice this, my practice that’. but its not enough to just not talk about my practice, we have to replace it. one of my mottos around work/life balance is – in order to leave work at the office, you have to have a life outside of work that is even better than your work.
Allison, great post! It is definitely timely for me as I’m starting to plan for my private practice – there is so much in the front end. Here are some things I have done recently:
1. SAVE one lunch hour a week for a friend date – Wednesday has been working for me lately. Sometimes we pack our lunch and hang at a park.
2. Meditate! Even if it is just 10 minutes, and only several times per week; it makes a huge difference in reducing my anxiety and adds some clarity. It’s so healing.
3. Cut down on MY Netflix and Amazon prime shows (yeah, I know), and how many days a week that I can watch them.
4. Try to bake something about twice a month; it’s such a mindful & PLEASANT activity for me…and I’m good at it.
5. Try really hard to listen to fictional AUDIO books during my commute several times per week. I’m trying to designate like two days. This one IS sooooooo hard, because I’d rather listen to your podcasts (over, and over, and over, and over) lol.
Not sure if these will help. Thanks again for sharing?