Here’s the optimistic picture most people create about networking: You’re at a “networking event” in your new favorite outfit, feeling confident, looking great. Your most polished self is ready to dazzle them with your obvious charm, intelligence and sparkling white teeth. People hang on your every word and greedily collect your cards. They have a caseload full of people to send you on Monday. They’re so glad they met you.
Here’s the pessimistic picture: You’re at a “networking event.” It feels like the 8th grade dance. The people who know each other are clustered to your left and you’re awkwardly shoveling hummus into your mouth from the refreshment table. Arg, now it’s on your shirt. Your sweaty armpits are in a race to see which one can soak your new “professional” shirt to the hem. Someone approaches you and you both start talking at once, play that awful “you talk” game until someone finally gets a full introduction out. You feel like you’re hocking your services to people who have no use for them. You find a fake excuse to exit before the event is over.
Here’s the truth: If you’re an introvert, there’s no need to go to those things. Seriously, let yourself off the hook. Networking events aren’t that valuable and your energy is. Yes, you need to network, but not like that. Not unless there’s something about it you’re super-excited about.
If you’re an extravert, sure, attend. But focus your energy on a few strategically chosen people. Approach them with a line ready in your head (nothing pick-up-line-esque, something natural-esque). Maybe “I saw your ad in the paper. I’d love to hear more about your business.” Or, “We have a friend in common. How do you know Dani?” Leave out the “I think…”; it makes you look insecure. If you know they know Dani or their name tag says Jane Doe and the ad you saw was for Jane Doe, don’t hedge.
If you’re going in cold, don’t know a soul, walk up to the first kind-looking person you see and say “Hi, I’m Your Name, I don’t know anyone here. Can you give me the lay of the land?” This will likely start up a conversation and that leads to “what do you do?” since, y’know, it’s a networking event. If the person is a jerk, his/her life must suck. It’s a networking event & you just took the pressure off by approaching him/her. Business probably isn’t going to go so well for that person. Quick, get away from that sinking ship!
In the unlikely event that the second person you approach sucks too, leave. Really. You’re not there to torture yourself and apparently you didn’t realize you’d been invited to a networking event for assholes. What’s likely to happen is that everyone will be open and nice. Maybe not the best fit as a referral source, but not unpleasant either. You may luck out & meet a “connector.” That’s like striking gold.
Another quick note about networking events: they come in all different packages. If it’s Young Professionals of Your City, that could be great. But finding those people that will be grateful to refer to you is easiest. Work with eating disorders? Go to an Eating Disorder Treatment networking event. Love working with folks in transition- go to events with lots of realtors and real estate attorneys. Therapy with adolescents- Is there an open educator happy hour around? Your time is valuable. Be as strategic as possible.
How have you survived networking events? Let me know in the comments.
Allison Puryear is an LCSW with a nearly diagnosable obsession with business development. She has started practices in three different states and wants you to know that building a private practice is shockingly doable when you have a plan and support. After retiring her individual consultation services, she opened the Abundance Party, where you can get practice-building help for the cost of a copay. You can download a free private practice checklist to make sure you have your ducks in a row, get weekly private practice tips, listen to the podcast, hop into the free Facebook Group. Allison is all about helping you gain the confidence and tools you need to succeed.
I think in more rural areas the more general networking events are more important because there aren’t really as many specific networking events. Or at least, I have had a hard time finding them. You never know who is going to be a referral so people knowing you exist is a good idea. I usually try to be helpful in some way. At a business after hours event someone mentioned needing a tax person and I’d just received a great recommendation from a therapist, so I asked for their card and sent the info.
That’s a great example, Ruth. I actually refer my accountant to anyone who will listen. 🙂 When you find someone good at what they do, you want to spread the word. Depending on how comfortable folks are making referrals to therapy, it can definitely work in our favor. I’d also recommend hunting around for therapist FB groups in your area and starting one if there isn’t one to join. We have a few in my community and they really help everyone get & give referrals!
A really great way for people to break the ice of a networking event or training is to offer to volunteer! That way, you’ve already spoken to someone in email or over the phone beforehand and when you get there, that person will likely introduce you to all of the other volunteers. Volunteering kills so many birds with one stone:
1. You spend more time at the event and get to meet more people because you’ll probably be getting there early to help out and stay there late to clean up.
2. People get to know a different side of you, and that makes you more memorable (e.g. maybe you help them decorate or do the furniture arranging and that can lead to a convo about interior design, your side passion. Or you cook an awesome dish that your mom used to make and you can launch into a great convo about your heritage, etc.)
3. You establish a reputation as a generous person, which people naturally gravitate towards (Allison did a blog about this; you should read it if you haven’t yet.)
4. The other volunteers are people you want to get to know! Typically the volunteers are well-connected, highly-involved people and tend to be really NICE.
5. You get to introduce people you meet at the networking event to other people you’ve volunteered with at the networking event. Volunteered with a supervisor looking for an intern? Met an intern over hummus looking for a supervisor? Introduce them! People appreciate being introduced to others with common interests or complimentary needs (I think Allison did a blog about that, too!)
Whatever you do, make sure that you prioritize *getting* business cards versus *giving* business cards. This way, you can follow up with people after the event and not appear overly sales-y. Good luck!
-Natalie
Amen! Great advice, Natalie. Which isn’t surprising since you’re a networking master!
Thank you, my fellow networking maven. 😉 After I hit “send” on that comment, I realized I could’ve adapted it into a blog post in-and-of itself! Doh!
-Nat
Engthliening the world, one helpful article at a time.
Ha! Thanks, Kayden!
Thanks Allison. I wish I had read this before I committed (I’m a super introvert), but I am going to a small networking dinner tonight at a fancy-schmancy restaurant – so even more pressure since it will be a long dinner. your article has helped immensely. i’m thankful it will be a small group, except leaving might not be as easy:)
At the very least it was a nice, free dinner, right? I hope it was awesome, that you met interesting people, and that you were able to build in some reboot time today!