I don’t think a single Abundance Practice-Building Group gets completed without me referencing the spiral staircase. This usually occurs in the 5th week of the group which is focused solely on money (and thus security and self-worth and all the other things we associate with it). Here’s how it usually happens: one of my group members shares that they are struggling with X. They mention that they used to struggle with X in the past, thought they were passed it, and now it’s rearing it’s ugly head again. It’s disorienting. It’s disappointing. Why aren’t they over this already?
Some of you may not agree with this, but I’m feeling pretty sure that much of our deeply rooted emotional stuff doesn’t get extracted as we work on it. Instead, we get better at managing it. We know how to ground ourselves or feel it deeply and let it pass or trust that we can still have good lives while shouldering it. Then is subsides or we forget about it. Then, as life or business gets harder, we find ourselves confronted with the same version of “not good enough” that we thought we’d resolved.
My versions of “not good enough” LOVE to visit as I push myself. It doesn’t matter if it’s in business or parenting or feeble attempts at sticking to a hobby. If self improvement is involved in any way, I’m going to dance with “people will hate you” or “you’re going to fail.” There are others that fill up my dance card but those two really love to dominate my mind.
Luckily my one million years in therapy have prepared me for this and I know the steps. Remembering that I like me and that that’s more important than if they do. Knowing that even if some hate me others won’t. Plus I don’t really want the people I don’t like to like me. That’s awkward. There’s space for imperfection (since imperfection ≠ failure). Then planning for what happens if I DO fail (thus far I still get to love the people I love and that’s what I care most about). It really is like a choreographed dance at this point. “Oh, People Will Hate Me, haven’t seen you in a while.” *hand on shoulder, hand in hand and left ball change* If I don’t engage too deeply it’s actually a little boring.
Now, here’s where I mix metaphors (mixing metaphors ≠ failure): You were on the ground. As you climb the spiral staircase you will struggle. You will come around the curve and out of the hard part only to run into the struggle again. But you’re moving up. You’ve felt this before; you’re just on a higher plane now. You will come around again and again to this same struggle and that’s okay. If you hang out for an extended period of time without bumping into that, you probably aren’t challenging yourself significantly. That’s also okay. We don’t need to be pushing constantly. It’s not necessary for success and it’s also not very healthy. Hustling is not allowed at my dance party staircase thing.
Your private practice is going to dig up all your insecurities. Painfully. Thankfully you have the skills and the know-how to get support until it’s a dance and you’re high up enough to see the stars.
How do you manage your “not good enoughness” when it comes up in your practice? Let us know in the comments, it could be really helpful to someone.
Allison Puryear is an LCSW with a nearly diagnosable obsession with business development. She has started practices in three different states and wants you to know that building a private practice is shockingly doable when you have a plan and support. After retiring her individual consultation services, she opened the Abundance Party, where you can get practice-building help for the cost of a copay. You can download a free private practice checklist to make sure you have your ducks in a row, get weekly private practice tips, listen to the podcast, hop into the free Facebook Group. Allison is all about helping you gain the confidence and tools you need to succeed.